Pumice and Drilled Tomatoes

Scene: Dinnertime; kitchen. Preparing meal of grilled salmon and salad. I have just opened a bag of Multigrain Chips and opened a new tub of Hummus with Dried Tomatoes. My brother and I are busy getting food ready, setting the table, munching on chips and hummus. Dad enters. He immediately spots and homes in on the bag of chips. Dad has built-in radar for food. He is a superior forager.

Dad: Hey! What's this?!

Nobody answers. There's no point. He'll help himself anyway and figure it out. Next, Dad spots the tub of hummus.

Dad: Hey! What's THIS?!

Me: Hummus.

Dad: Pumice??! (Dad is shouting. It's the hearing loss. He frequently shouts when he gets excited.......which is usually over food.) This can't be pumice! Come on! It's pumice???

Me (not shouting): Hummus.

Dad: That's what I said, Pumice!

Me: No. H-H-Hummus. (I exaggerate the H sound.)

Dad (carefully repeating): H-H-Hummus? What's that? (As he scoops a chip into the tub. Again....no point in answering.) Oh mmmmm! That's good! What is this again? (He picks up the tub, pulls his visor down, reads the label. My brother and I just watch.

This is exactly how he reads the label:

"Humus ("Hyoo-mus"...... as in dirt) With Drilled Tomatoes"

Then he corrects himself.

Dad: Oh no wait, Dried, not Drilled. Dried Tomatoes. "Hyoo-mus" huh? Hmmmm, that's good! "Hyoo-mus!" Oh yah!

He kept scooping and rescooping, each time repeating with such gusto, "HYOO-MUS, MMM-MM! HYOO-MUS, MMM-MM!