Bananyas and Jane Austen

I'm 56 years old and I live with my 89 and 93 year old parents. A lot of people comment on my living situation with "How do you do it?" or "You must have the patience of a saint!" or "How can you always be so upbeat?" For the record, I am not always upbeat, I am far from sainthood (or superhero-dom), and some days, I honestly don't "do it" very well. Granted, I'm pretty good at staying perky most of the time, in the face of a lot of adversity and stress. But I definitely have my days. A couple of earlier blogs describe those days. Here's one that snuck up on me last week....

Morning. I walk into the kitchen, take one look at the fruit bowl and suddenly realize that, horror of horrors, there are only two bananas (or as Dad would say it, "bananyas") left in the fruitta bowl. Without missing a beat, I grab my keys and my bag, jump in the car and head for Safeway. Quick glance at the clock. I'd easily have a full bowl of bananas by the time Mom and Dad got up.

Lately, and I'm not sure why (well, wait, I probably DO know why, on some level...but that's a whole other therapy session), I've been a little obsessed with Jane Austen. I drive a lot, as I think I've mentioned, so I use the time to listen to music, various podcasts, and my newest driving pastime--classic literary audiobooks. About a week ago, I downloaded an unabridged version of Pride and Prejudice, my personal favorite of Austen's classics. Honestly, if you were to ask me today, my idea of nirvana would be several uninterrupted days of watching every film version of Pride and Prejudice ever made, over and over again. (Or Jane Eyre............or even both! Oh my goodness now THAT would be ecstasy!)

Anyway, so I'm heading to Safeway and the first thing I do is turn on my iPod to pick up P&P where I left off last time I drove. I'm somewhere in the final chapter. Chapter 60.

I arrive at Safeway. Elizabeth and her father begin their discussion about the proposed marriage between Lizzy and Mr. Darcy.

I pull into the Safeway parking lot. I turn the car off just as Mr. Bennett is asking Elizabeth why she wants to marry a man for whom she had previously declared such distaste. I run in, go straight to the produce section, grab the biggest bunch of bananas I can find, head for the self-checkout, and return to the car.

Back in the car, bananas in my lap, P&P back on.

I pull out of the Safeway parking lot. Mr. Bennett is still questioning Elizabeth about her seemingly sudden change of heart toward Mr. Darcy. I love how his love for his favorite daughter is so apparent in his words.

I pass the big cow herd on Hendrickson Road. Elizabeth is describing, so eloquently, so articulately, Mr. Darcy's many noble and admirable qualities.

I cross the Dungeness Bridge (and the "Poor Ole Horse" that's really a cow.....see the earlier blog, "Poor Ole Horse"). Mr. Bennett inquires of Elizabeth if she really and truly loves Mr. Darcy, loves him enough to spend the rest of her life with a man who she previously had declared to be so detestably proud and arrogant.

I pull into the driveway. Home. Elizabeth is now pouring out her heart and soul to her father, explaining with such intensity, such heartfelt sincerity, such gut-wrenching honesty, the deep and comprehensive love she feels for Mr. Darcy.

I put the car in park. Bananas in my lap. Mr. Bennett gives his final approval to his beloved Lizzy, completely satisfied after his daughter's persuasive and convincing declaration of undying love for Mr. Darcy.

And...............I can't move. Shit, my cheeks are wet. I don't remember feeling like I was going to cry. Don't remember my tear ducts filling up, or my eyes spilling over. But my cheeks are wet with fresh, salty tears. Tears of relief for Lizzy Bennett for finding and realizing her life partner. Tears of appreciation for great literature and beautiful timeless stories. And yeah, I suppose tears of regret and self-pity for myself. For what I'm fairly certain I will never have. (This is what is commonly known as a Pity Party. They really suck.)

So yeah............I have my days every now and then.

The tears flow, I dry them up, grab my bananas, and get back to the morning.