My Sanity for a Harness and a Muzzle

You ever see parents with their toddlers, with those harnesses around them, so they don't wander off and get lost?

You know how with toddlers, you have repeat everything a few times before it finally sinks in?

You know how toddlers ask you the stupidest questions? (Yeah, I said "stupid questions". All that business about "There's no such thing as a stupid question" is a lot of hooey. There are all sorts of stupid questions. Doesn't mean they shouldn't be asked. Doesn't mean the person asking them is stupid. But they're still stupid questions.)

Yeah.

So anyway.... I went to CostCo today with my parents. And I suppose you already know where I'm going with this one. You'd be right.

Like......every time BEFORE I take Mom and Dad to CostCo, Dad always asks, while we're still at the house mind you, "What do we need?" And I mean, those exact words. Every time. So he and I go over the list. But it never fails, as soon as we get to CostCo, we have to go through the same, exact, exercise. It's like we never had that conversation back at home!

Like.......my mom ALWAYS gets lost! She uses one of those motorized carts. And I don't know how she does it, but she'll be right there with Dad and me, and I'll turn around right before we're ready to head for the checkout, and she's gone! Vanished! And do you KNOW how SLOW those carts go?! I mean, I know it's necessary, cuz I remember the time Mom and her cart took out an entire display of canned fruit at QFC. If the cart had been going any faster, gawd knows the damage she would've done! I'm just saying. They're soooo slow! How can she disappear so fast?

Anyway, back to Mom disappearing.....so I walk down every aisle. No Mom. I finally find her in some obscure aisle, like by the camping supplies or the water purifiers, and I'll say, "Mom, let's go, we're checking out." Then I'll turn to leave, and then turn back to make sure she's behind me, and she's gone again! Buzzing off into the complete opposite direction!

Like........how Dad has to say everything SO LOUD so that everyone around you can hear it. This isn't really a problem EXCEPT when we're almost at the checkout line and he's asking me if there's anything else we need to get (for the fifth time) and I suddenly remember, "Oh, Mom needs Depends" and he says, "She needs pencils?" and I repeat, "Depends," and he says, "She needs pens?" and I repeat (directly into his one remaining half-way-decent ear "DEE-PENDSSS", and he says, (at full volume) "ohhh DIAPERS!"

So yeah. A muzzle for Dad. A harness for Mom.