The reality of this situation is this: somedays are awful. Some days, I feel like I'm as old as my parents. Some days, it feels like everything about me is old, and dying. Some days, I beat my head against the wall because I'm not as patient, or as understanding, or as tolerant of my parents as I think I should be, or maybe as somebody else would be. Some days, I have to turn up my television because I can't stand hearing the mouth-breathing sounds that my mother makes. Some days, I feel like if I have to smell the smell of used Depends one more time, I'll throw up. Some days, I want to just walk out the door, get in my car and start driving....somewhere. Some days, I feel like I've put my life on hold, and not knowing how long that "hold" will last is killing me.
But then, some days, my dad greets me in the morning with his version of "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow", or his little 92 year old's two-step and my eyes well up because he reminds me how important the little things are. Some days, I look around and thank my lucky stars that I have a roof over my head, warm clothes on my back, food to eat, three incredible kids, two amazing brothers, and a father who worked successfully as an airline pilot for thirty years in order to provide for his family.
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Thanks for keeping it real, Denise! The great sensitivity and touching moments and the base truths, too. I may have told you that the first time I visited mom in the REALLY nice place she lives they were having lunch. I sat down with them and was visiting and suddenly knew I was going to vomit. I ran down the hall, asked the first person I saw where the bathroom was but before I reached it I vomited in my hands. It happened, I believe, because suddenly for the first time I was taking it all in phsyically: mom living in an assisted living facility (no matter how nice) all of the elderly faces looking incredibly sad, those elder care aromas mixed with the aroma of institutional cooking....emotions/aromas. It's huge what you're doing. I think of my own sis every day, stopping by to see mom, helping her, dealing with the daily reality and challenges. I only hope she has enough of the joys to help her through it as you do. I'm going to recommend your blog to her.
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