Today.
I swear I woke up this morning feeling lighter.
Physically. Tangibly. Lighter.
I made pancakes.
I rearranged the tea cupboard.
I laughed without trying.
My head was......open. Like it had space in it.
Like it was........clear. Yes, that's it. My head felt clearer.
I'm not trying to be poetic here, or symbolic, or abstract. My head literally felt clearer. Like I'd had a stuffy, plugged up brain for a really long time and now.........it was gone.
I guess you don't know how bad things are, until they aren't bad anymore.
Right now.......It feels really good NOT to feel "bad", or heavy, or plugged up.
Let me be clear. I am not speaking of celebration here. There is no celebration in not being able to care for one's aging parent. But there is a certain relief in finally admitting one's own limitations......before it's too late.
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