Oh yes, we have NO bananyas!

The blue and white porcelain fruit bowl is empty.

Empty.

Did you get that? It's E-M-P-T-Y!

Wait.....maybe you didn't quite understand me. THE FRUIT BOWL IS EMMMPPPTTTTYYYY!

The AlwaysFullOfBanayas, SeeminglyBottomlessBananyaBowl, MustAlwaysBeFullOfBanayasBowl is E.M.P.T.Y.

And more importantly? It's going to STAY empty!

Why?

Well, because.....Are you ready for this? Are you sitting down? Because, you probably should.

It's going to stay empty because.......I have declared a Banana Ban!

That's right! Hoist the flags! Free the prisoners! Bang the drums! Storm the Bastille! (sorry....getting carried away here)

Now I'm sure you're dying to know what prompted the banana revolt. I'm certain that you are sitting on the edge of your ergonomic office chair right now, waiting for me to fill you in on all the gory details surrounding this unforeseen rebellion against what has been such a stalwart mainstay in the Fleener kitchen.

Well I'm gonna tell ya.......

Poop.

That's right girls and boys--poop. Plain and simple, it was poop, or actually, the lack of poop, that led me to officially declare war on the almighty bananya. And trust me, you would've done the same had you been in my shoes this week.

In reality, it was really constipation that brought all of this on. Mom's constipation. And lemme jus' say........ya haven't lived until you've experienced an 89 year-old woman wailing and moaning her way through half a day's worth of really, really bad constipation. Suffice to say, I laid down the law--

No More Bananas and No More EatingAnEntireCartonOfCottageCheeseEveryDay (okay, okay, it was probably the cottage cheese that was really to blame for the constipation but, come on!, you gotta capitalize on your opportunities!).

So forgive me now. I'm overwhelmed with a sudden urge (no.....not what you're thinking!)

I think I'll go do something totally wacky and completely crazy and.........

PUT AN APPLE IN THE FRUIT BOWL!

Wish me luck.