Leakage

Scene: Waiting room at the local ophthalmologist's office. Dad's hour-long appointment. I had dropped Dad off earlier, then gone home briefly to check on Mom, then returned to pick him up. Four other people in the waiting room, along with three receptionists behind the front desk. All is quiet and calm, save for the soft sounds of the Sequim radio station purring some old Sinatra tune into the background. Then.......

Dad: (at full volume...as always) I THINK I'M ON THE VERGE OF INCONTINENCE.

I look around to see if anyone in the waiting room, or behind the reception desk reacts. They don't. All heads are down, engrossed in magazines or work.

Me: Really?

Dad: WHAT?!

Me: I said,.... Really? (Checking the downcast heads in my periphery. They're either just being polite, or they're all completely absorbed in their respective magazines. I think, what are the chances of the latter being true? I decide it's gotta be the former.)

Dad: Well, YEAH!

Me: That's uh......(searching for something to say just so Dad won't say anything else...)...well......that's uh.....

Dad: I'VE GOT LEAKAGE!

Up come the heads. Great.

I make some kind of semi-panicked epiglottal vocalization.

Dad: WHAT?! (He thinks I said something to him.)

Me: Nothing I.....

Dad: LEAKAGE!!

And now we have eye contact. From every person in the waiting room. And I just sit there, shaking my head in here-we-go-again disbelief. And, of course, Dad doesn't stop. He continues with....

Dad: THOSE PILLS THE DOC GAVE ME AREN'T HELPING. AND THEY'RE GIVING ME CONSTIPATION TOO!

And here's the really good part....

Me: (I lean into his good ear cuz I don't want to have to repeat this.) That's great Dad. And it's really nice of you to share all of that with everyone here in the waiting room.

Cue nervous laughter from the waiting room and receptionists.

Dad: (Who momentarily cracks up.) WELL WHAT THE HELL! IT'S A DOCTOR'S OFFICE!

Cue legitimate laughter from waiting room and receptionists.

Cue eye-roll from me.