Flu Shot

Remember those hypnotists that used to be on TV all the time? They'd pop up on The Ed Sullivan Show or The Tonight Show; they'd have volunteers from the audience thinking they were dogs, or cats, or dogs AND cats.

I never understood it. Never really "got" how people could allow themselves to do such crazy things. In public no less.

Several years later (well, realistically?, it was probably more like a decade or two later) I remember reading a book about hypnotism and the suggestive personality, and the whole "barking like a dog" and "meowing like a cat" under hypnosis thing suddenly made sense--Aha! The subject has to be OPEN to being hypnotized! Like........some little part of the subject's mind had to sort of "want" to do whatever the hypnotist asked them to do.

It not only made sense to me, it reassured me that NO hypnotist would ever be makin' ME get down on the floor in public and bark like a freakin' dog. No way I would EVER let that happen to me.

My father calls that being stubborn.

I call it being in control of what I do in public!

My mother.........well, she'd be the one on the floor barking like a dog.

So I was at Safeway the other day with Mom to pick up a couple of jugs of prune juice (the current anti-constipation choice at the Fleener Home For The Feeble). Mom waited in the car while I dashed inside.

Safeway had a big sandwich-board sign out front that said Flu Shots Today.

Mom saw it.

When I got back to the car, the first thing out of Mom's mouth was, "I need.........to get.......a...a...aaa......fl........fl........"

"Flu shot?" I said.

"yessssss." She answered.

"Okay, I'll check the schedule at CostCo and we'll all go in and get them."

Then I turned on the car and started to pull out of the parking space.

Mom again. "Where are you going?!" (Funny how she never has any problem talking when she's agitated....)

"I'm going home!" I told her, a little agitated because it was a heavy work day for me and I really needed to get home.

"What about the flu shot?!" she wailed.

The thing is.......my mother is one of the most suggestible people I have ever known. One little headline in the Peninsula Daily News about a robbery and she frets the entire day because she's convinced some criminal is going to break into our house THAT DAY and maul her to death. Seriously. I am NOT exaggerating.

So, guess what happened when Mom saw the Flu Shot sign? Right. She instantly became fearful that she was going to get the flu THAT DAY and she had better darn well get her flu shot immediately if not sooner.

I told Mom, "No, no, no, we're not going to get it today Mom. I'll check the schedule at CostCo and we'll get them there."

"ok" she said, her wheels still turning.

We came home. I went back to work. The afternoon passed. The evening came and went. Mom was getting into bed and I was still working in the office (which is next to her bedroom). I could hear her sort of whimpering and working herself up into a state. I went in to see what the problem was.

"What's up Mom?" I asked her.

And between whimpers she said, "I'm afraid.........to go...........to.........sleep.........because........I'm.......afraid.........I'll get......the......fl....fl......fl.......flu.......and die........and....and.....not.....wake....up."

Damn that sandwich-board. Damn Safeway. Damn having to go get prune juice. Damn constipation. Damn having a mother who could've been one of those barking people-dogs on The Tonight Show.

But you know what? Two can play at this game.

So I say, "Oh Mom, you don't need the shot until November. The doctor told you last year that getting the shot before then was pointless. So we'll get it the first week of November. Okay?"

And she stopped whimpering, and stopped fretting and looked up at me and said, "Okay." And suddenly she was feeling okay about going to sleep.

"Now Mom, could you get down on the floor and bark like a dog?"

Kidding! I'm kidding! I didn't really say that.