Saturday, March 17, 2012

A House Without Condiments

A friend came over this afternoon and promptly pinched me. I nearly hauled off and whacked him with the back of my hand, but he stopped me just in the knick of time, "HEY! It's St. Patrick's Day! You're not wearing green!"
"Oh. Sorry." (This is what happens when you no longer have children at home. I have dogs now. Dogs don't really follow the holiday thing. Criminy, every day's a holiday to them.)
Anyway.......and then, to deepen my guilt, my friend presents me with a take-out plate of corned beef, potatoes, carrots, and cabbage--All steamy warm, and oozing that delicious corned-beefy aroma...
Lately it seems my friends are concerned about my getting enough to eat. They keep dropping food off at my house--cookies, bread, Thai, burritos, and now Irish fare! I'm not exactly sure why. I look in the mirror and I don't think I look gaunt or malnourished. I look in the refrigerator and.....
Oh damn!....a quart of milk, a half-carton of eggs, and a jar of peanut butter. It's like a freakin' bachelor's refrigerator.
But wait a minute! I have a dozen tortillas and two English muffins in the freezer! It's not like there's nothing to eat!
Back to the corned beef and cabbage et al. And here's the tie in to Mom and Dad.
I proceeded to dig into my personally-catered St. Paddie's Day feast--set out a placemat (had to opt for an Easter mat with green eggs on it), got my fork and knife--then realized a missing key ingredient--MUSTARD and HORSERADISH--and I reflexively dashed to the fridge to retrieve said condiments so that I could properly indulge myself. Buuuuuuuut.......as you may recall, all I have in my fridge is milk, eggs, and PButt! No mustard! No horseradish! No condiments AT ALL!
AAARRRRGH! The blast of reality washes over me--I NO LONGER LIVE IN THE HOUSE WITH THE REFRIGERATOR THAT HAS EVERY CONDIMENT EVER MADE!
Seriously, the fridge at Mom and Dad's house had everything--Sweet Thai sauce, Hot Thai sauce, Chili Pepper Sauce, Capers, Mango Chutney, Hot Chutney, Fish sauce, not to mention at least a half dozen different kinds of mustard and horseradish. But my fridge? Nothing! No Grey Poupon! No Honey. No Stoneground. No Hot and Spicy. None at all. No horseradishshshshshshshhhhhh! (cue quiet sobbing)
So, excuse me, I have to dash to the store.....

2 comments:

  1. I love this. I love that you finally noticed. And THAT's why your friends have been bringing you food honey. It's a transition thing. : )

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  2. Oh my, I have not been in here as I was with Mother, she passed April 11, 2011 after 3 bouts of pneumonia, 2 stints in rehab, a heart attack/pneumonia that sent her to hospice, and into the hands of Summerland. She passed as she wanted to, without having had a stroke. Bless your heart and your father's. I'm sorry it's been so long since I have visited in here. You have some wonderful things I will read, but not today, today is too raw still for me after being so focused the first 4 weeks on all the "business". I have been un-numb for about 2 weeks now...
    ^..^

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